Ugh, I hate to look at my calendar, because 4 days after officially finding out that I was pregnant, I miscarried at about 5 ½ weeks.
The night before, I thought I saw a hint of pink and something inside of me told me that I was going to have a miscarriage, but I had no actual blood, so I tried to relax about it. The next morning I was at work and had to use the bathroom. I discovered bright red blood and my heart sank. I immediately knew that I was going to have a mc, but I tried to think positive because it wasn’t much. I called my OB/Gyn and he told me I was probably having a mc, but that I should still come in. He was very busy that day, but was going to squeeze me in, which I thought was a great sign. I had never seen him before. I was waiting to see my general doctor in order to get a referral (I just love my health insurance sometimes..). My husband Josh and I went in and he performed a transvaginal ultrasound and it showed that my uterus was still thick and my cervix closed. He wasn't able to find the heartbeat, but said that it may still be a little early anyway. He said that my ovaries looked good and told me to monitor the bleeding and come in on Monday for a 2nd blood test for comparison. I didn't go back to work. I wasn't having any cramps. The only thing I felt was tightness in my lower abdomen and that my body was just stressed. All I wanted to do was lay down. The other thing I noticed was that my pregnancy symptoms were fading away and I thought that was strange. My doctor did tell me that if I had a m/c at this stage it would be better than if I were further along because my body would take care of everything on its own. Well, that evening, my body had expelled the "conception matter." I immediately knew and I also no longer felt pregnant or had any discomfort whatsoever, which was further proof. I did some research and believe that I had a "complete miscarriage".
The night before, I thought I saw a hint of pink and something inside of me told me that I was going to have a miscarriage, but I had no actual blood, so I tried to relax about it. The next morning I was at work and had to use the bathroom. I discovered bright red blood and my heart sank. I immediately knew that I was going to have a mc, but I tried to think positive because it wasn’t much. I called my OB/Gyn and he told me I was probably having a mc, but that I should still come in. He was very busy that day, but was going to squeeze me in, which I thought was a great sign. I had never seen him before. I was waiting to see my general doctor in order to get a referral (I just love my health insurance sometimes..). My husband Josh and I went in and he performed a transvaginal ultrasound and it showed that my uterus was still thick and my cervix closed. He wasn't able to find the heartbeat, but said that it may still be a little early anyway. He said that my ovaries looked good and told me to monitor the bleeding and come in on Monday for a 2nd blood test for comparison. I didn't go back to work. I wasn't having any cramps. The only thing I felt was tightness in my lower abdomen and that my body was just stressed. All I wanted to do was lay down. The other thing I noticed was that my pregnancy symptoms were fading away and I thought that was strange. My doctor did tell me that if I had a m/c at this stage it would be better than if I were further along because my body would take care of everything on its own. Well, that evening, my body had expelled the "conception matter." I immediately knew and I also no longer felt pregnant or had any discomfort whatsoever, which was further proof. I did some research and believe that I had a "complete miscarriage".
It was my first pregnancy and my husband and I both wanted the little one badly. I knew that mc was a risk with pregnancy, but I didn't expect to be as emotional about it for some reason until it happened and I was devastated:( I cried every day the first week and had lots of mixed emotions. I just wish I knew why it happened then I would know exactly how to deal with it, or more honestly, what to blame it on. Instead I just had to accept it and try to stay positive. Josh was very sad, but remained very supportive and hopeful. Despite our grief, we were happy to know that at least it was possible for us to get pregnant and that made us look forward to trying again. It’s just disappointing to think about having to start all over again when you just found out that you were already there 5 weeks into it.Time really does heal and for me it became easier to deal with. I still get sad thinking about the fact that a baby had started growing inside of me and that I loved him/her already. Nothing will ever change that. The only way I was able to get through it was because of my loving husband and my faith in God. This could have been a lot worse, such as with our friends losing their baby at 5 months, so I'm very thankful that we didn't have to go through that. This may sound strange, but I really do feel convicted to get back on track with God. About six months before my pregnancy, I had been skipping church and not focusing on Him as I should and did before. I truly believe that God does everything for a reason and in the end to glorify Him. So, rather than focusing on the loss and some guilt, I am now focused on Him. As hard as it is to admit, because of that reason/result, this was a blessing in disguise.
<3 Sharon
I'm proud of you for finding the courage to think of something bigger -- most people are too selfish and upset to allow real healing and purpose to come out of unfortunate situations. Love you, sis (and bro) :]
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